


The Hollow

by NyGi



Series: Trick or Treat [21]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Depression, Family Feels, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Teenage Rebellion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-20
Updated: 2017-03-20
Packaged: 2018-10-08 08:25:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10382550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NyGi/pseuds/NyGi
Summary: Emmy knew she'd get in real trouble for this. She just didn't care.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all for reading, I know the last part was tough and I am so thankful for your comments!  
> This part is set in February of 2017.

**The Hollow**

 

All my life   
Been running from a pain in me   
A feeling I don't understand   
Holding me down   
  
Rain on me   
Underwater   
All I am, getting harder   
A heavy weight   
I carry around.

 

The music was engulfing Emmy, surrounding her from all sides. The powerful bass caused even her ribcage to vibrate. Her hair was swaying softly, her gaze intently fixed onto the stage. Around her other fans were dancing, their hands raised towards the band. Emmy stood like a rock between them. She was holding her arms around her middle, almost as if she was hugging herself, singing along, carefully, making the words seem more profound, more important than one would expect at a concert. 

 

Today   
I don't have to fall apart   
I don't have to be afraid   
I don't have to let the damage   
consume me,   
My shadow see through me

 

Emmy’s eyes filled with tears. If she was found out, if anyone realized where she had gone she’d be in more than just trouble. They could really, honestly expel her.

 

Fear in itself   
Will reel you in and spit you out   
Over and over again   
Believe in yourself   
And you will walk   
Fear in itself   
Will use you up and break you down   
like you were never enough   
I used to fall, now I get back up.

 

At this point Emmy didn't even know anymore, if her tears were happy or just… there were no words, really, to express this. 

The rest of the concert went by in a blur of emotions, later on Emmy wouldn't even be able to name the songs, she just knew she loved every minute of it.

Worth it, she thought, as she made her way out into the cold, damp night in the midst of all the other people. She just needed to get back to the dark alley she had arrived in. With a little talent and a lot of luck, she might actually get away with this. 

She didn't.

There was a car she knew all too well parked at the curb, a tall, lanky young man leaning against its side.

Emmy stopped dead on instinct. Why? He obviously knew where she was.

Better face the music, Emmy sighed, and walked up to her big brother. Teddy casually raised an eyebrow, when he noticed her approaching and opened his arms for a hug.

Emmy was surprised and really thankful, when she felt his strong arms around her. Her face was still slightly damp and she buried it in his warm coat. They stood like that for a couple of minutes, before Emmy finally let go.

“In how much trouble am I?” 

“Not that much.”, shrugged Teddy, “Get in the car. It's cold here.”

Emmy hurried to get into the warmth, as Teddy made his way to the driver seat. She pulled her coat tighter around herself, even though it was cozy and warm inside the car. The damp cold was magically prevented to enter the car, when Teddy did.

Always the big brother, Teddy waited until Emmy remembered to put on her seatbelt as well, before he started the car, joined the traffic and switched the radio on. Emmy smiled. It was Teddy’s usual Punk Rock. With his colourful hair and clothes, Emmy sometimes wondered if he knew how much of a stereotype he was.

They sat in comfortable silence for 15 minutes. Emmy looked outside at the lights passing by and hoped this would never end. But at some point, she knew, she would have to face the music.

“How did you know I had left?”

“Jimmy did. On the map. He didn’t want to rat you out, so he called me.”

“They don't know at Hogwarts then?”

“Not to my knowledge, no. You took the Knight Bus?”

Emmy nodded solemnly.  

“It’s past curfew now anyway. If they don't know you are gone yet, they won't find out. I’ll take you back via car.”

Emmy just nodded again. She was stuck in this car now for the next couple of hours and she knew Teddy wouldn't let it go this easily.

“You were really lucky that either no one recognized you or they decided not to tell on you.”

“I know. It was worth it, though.”

“Oh really?”, there was a heavy note of sarcasm and anger in Teddy’s voice now.

“They are my favourite band.”, Emmy told him brusquely.

“I know. Which is why I knew where to find you. Despite what you might think: we do pay attention.”

Emmy swallowed her angry response and stayed silent again. 

“For future reference: it is REALLY stupid to ask Dad for permission to go somewhere and then sneak out of school, when he says no. Makes it really easy to track you down.”

“They don't tour that often. I couldn’t let that opportunity pass! You are just like Dad. He didn't understand either, how important their music is to me.”

“That's uncalled for. And just for your information: Dad bought tickets for you for a concert in the US. He wanted to fly you out there. Meet and Greet. It was meant to be a surprise for your birthday.”

Emmy flinched. Guilt suddenly gnawing at her righteous anger towards her Dad. 

“He did?”, she whispered carefully, looking down at  her hands.

“Of course he did. Dad…”, but Teddy stopped, not wanting to continue and the guilt only got worse for Emmy. She had said some pretty horrible things to her father, when he had refused to take her out of school. Hurtful things.

“Did he tell you?”

Teddy gave her a quick glance, not taking his eyes off the road for too long.

“No. He wouldn’t discuss that with me. But I have noticed that… well, I imagine it wasn’t pretty.”

“I was so angry. And then I just couldn’t stop. It wasn’t fair. I know that. Dad is doing his best.”

“I actually think he is doing a really good job.”, Teddy told her, “Wouldn't want him any other way.”

Emmy was watching him carefully. Dad and Teddy used to clash a lot. Before. Now they seemed to have formed a team. 

“I listened to some of their music. On my way here.”, Teddy changed the subject, “ You just told me I didn't understand what their music meant to you, and that's true. I don't understand. I like it, but I don't think that's what you meant.”

Emmy started to chew the inside of her cheek.

“Do I need to be worried?”, Teddy’s voice was so tiny, Emmy almost didn't understand him.

“Worried?”, Emmy asked, hoping he didn't mean what she suspected he did.

“About you. Do I need to worried about you? Do I need to tell Dad that he… that he should look for a healer. Or a therapist?”

“No!”, she told him forcefully, but deep down she wasn’t sure. She had thought about getting help. Even at Hogwarts. But the whole thing felt like… like an unclimbable mountain. Like a wall she could never get past. Teddy was giving her an out. Offering help. But she could do this. She was Margaret Stark. She was stronger than this.

“Emmy…”

“No!”

“I will not wake up to the news that you jumped off the Gryffindor Tower.”

“You won't.”, she tried to reassure him softly.

“After everything that happened, there is no shame in needing help, Emmy. Frankly, there is NEVER any shame in it, but after the last couple of years…”

“Those crappy years happened to all of us.”, Emmy ignored the rest of what Teddy had said, “I don't see any of you asking for therapy.”

“People are different. And depression has a lot to do with predisposition.” 

Emmy flinched. Here it was. Depression. 

“Please don't tell anyone.”

“I won't. But you should. At least tell Dad.”

“No. I… I don't want him to think… I don't want him to think I am weak.”

Now Teddy did actually take his eyes off the road, staring at her in disbelief.

“What?!”

“Why am I even complaining?! Yes. We lost Mum. But we still have Dad. He lost both his parents when he was eleven… and he generally had crappy teenage years. And I…”

“There are a lot if things wrong with that. And on so many levels.”, Teddy sounded almost panicky, “Dad would never, ever think you weak. He knows you. He loves you. And just so you know: yes. Both Dad and Uncle Tony never looked for help. I actually think that argument goes more towards therapy.”

“What?”, this time Emmy was the one to be totally confused.

“They are both not really shining examples when it comes to coping, are they? Uncle Tony, who drinks more than he probably should and spend most of his 20s and 30s finding out how many women one can sleep with without getting an STD.”

Emmy blushed at her brother’s frank words, but she couldn’t deny them.

“And then, of course: Dad. The man who hates silence and small spaces. Who hides from conflict until everything just blows up in his face and buries his pain in work. Or who is ready for a fight every time a random stranger asks one of us for directions. And of course you could look towards Uncle Sirius, too.” 

Ah yes. Uncle Sirius. Emmy sighed.

“Maybe they would all have benefited from some professional help.”, she admitted.

Teddy actually chuckled, before turning serious again.

“I know you said I didn't understand and I really don't. But maybe you could explain it to me? Voicing things always helps me. Maybe…” 

“I don't even know where to start.”, she admitted, “It’s why I like Blue October’s music so much. They can voice things I can't.”

“Try.”

“It feels like… like there is liquid all around me and every move, every little chore is that much harder. There is a hollow in my chest. A black hole sucking everything in. Even breathing seems like the most exhausting task in the world. It hurts. Every breath hurts. And then I am tired. All the time. I can't sleep. Not really. Maybe two hours at a time, then I am awake for hours. Even if I sleep, I still wake up tired again. Every task seems impossible. And then I am better. And I forget how horrible it was and that I should look for help, because suddenly it doesn't hurt anymore. Until it does again.”

It had all just poured out of her without pause, but now she was looking towards Teddy and was shocked to see tears in his eyes. He was blinking rapidly, his eyes glued to the road. 

“That's about it.”, she admitted, already regretting having said something. She really hadn’t wanted Teddy to cry. She could see him hurting and it broke her heart. 

“Teddy?”, carefully she put her hand on his arm and Teddy pulled over and stopped the car on the side of the road, before turning around in his seat and hugging her violently. Emmy was truly crying now and she knew Teddy was doing the same. 

“I would love to say something meaningful and helpful. But I don't think there is anything I CAN say.”, he mumbled into her hair. Pressing a soft kiss to it the same way Dad always did.

“No. There isn’t.”, Emmy agreed, “It just sucks.”

 


End file.
